Recently,
I read a book called "Into the Wilds."
對，就如同書名所說的，本書主角克里斯 或又稱亞歷山大超級游民，一位前途無限的優秀大學畢業生，畢業後安靜地在阿拉斯加曠野中隕落。
Yes,
just as the title mentioned, the main character of this book, Christopher aka
Alexander Supertramp, an excellent university graduate who died alone in the
wild Alaska after graduated.
我跟隨著本書作者親身追朔克里斯的蹤跡一路來到了旅途終點站，也許文章在回憶克里斯死亡後劃下句點，但是這事件牽起人對生命態度的張力，卻是在我腦海中蕩漾不去。
I follow the author's footsteps,
tracing where Christopher had been along the way till the end of the
journey.
其實，我覺得自己流著一部分克里斯般的血液。
Actually, I feel a part of Christopher-like blood flowing in me.
在閱讀這本書時，我發現自己不時的在理性與感性的抉擇中遊走，真的，有時覺得自己有人格分裂的特質。
When I was reading this book, I found myself wonder constantly between the choice of sense and sensibility. Surely, sometime I think I have traits of split personality.
一部分敢於做夢的我，覺得這樣史詩般的冒險是對於真實自我的實踐。克里斯的死亡對我而言不是重點。我不願以自殺的角度去解釋他的熱情，而是對生命那種豁出去的熱血及勇氣。克里斯是位藝術家。藝術家通常不願以完全現實的角度去解釋生命，而且，藝術家很重視能夠聆聽自我心聲的空間。我想表達的並不只是孤獨而已，而是獨自承擔那特立獨行的責任。有時候，為自己的理想發聲也是很孤獨的。
A part of me dare to dream. I adore his epic adventure and convinced that it put the idea of true to self into practice. For me, Christopher's death is not the point. I do not want to explain his passion with the angle of suicide. His passion speaks of his courage in living no matter what it takes. Christopher was an artist. Artists usually are not willing to explain lives from the total reality point of view. And, artists value the space where they can listen to their voice of self. What I want to express here is not just loneliness. It is a responsibility to bear the result of independent decision. Sometime, speaks for the ideal self is fairly lonely.
一部份膽怯的我，覺得這樣魯莽的勇氣為人所可惜。再一次強調，死亡並不是我覺得我為之可惜的重點，而是那依舊未發生的可能。有時候自己很叫自己失望，因為我為了實現眼前的可能而放棄了做夢的勇氣。但是對於有限能力的軀體，我並沒有本事去實踐對於未來任何可能性。人生，就是這樣矛盾。
A part of me is taken over by fear,feels pity for this kind of rash courage. Again, I feel pity for not only Christopher's death, but, more important, for that possibilities within the unknown. Often I let myself down, because I give up the courage to dream for the short sight reality. But, as the limited flesh, I do not have the ability to practice the possibilities of the future. Life contradicted.
“山巒不能承擔夢想” 一詞出自於作者自述其冒險經歷中的領悟。這句話讓我在矛盾中找到了新的平衡。
"Mountains could not bear dreams" came from the author's understanding during one of his own adventure into the wild.
在人生低潮中，我們常自認征服某種事物能帶來危機中的轉機，能填平心中坑洞的滿足。但是，往往叫人失望的是，征服帶來的是更大的坑洞，因為我們總有辦法說服自己回到低潮中。
During the slumps in life, we often think conquest of something can bring the turning around the crisis, that sanctification can fill the holes within our heart. However, the result disappoint us for conquest brings lagers holes that needed to be filled. Because, we always have a way to convince ourselves back into the slumps.
那麼，對於山巒不能承擔的夢想，我該如何處理呢？
What about those dreams that even mountains couldn't bear? What should I do?
嗯，我也無解。我就是少了份克里斯的熱血吧！
Well, I have no idea. I just lack the passion that Christopher had.
不過，
Although,
我雖沒有勇氣去實踐，
even I don't have courage to put dreams into action,
但也不缺固執而願意放棄。
I do have enough stubbornness that will not give them up.
